


Still On the Line

by bookishhqueenn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Animagus, Canon Compliant, Falling In Love, Hogwarts, Letters, M/M, Memories, Not Pottermore Compliant, One Shot, Pining, Second War with Voldemort, Werewolf, Wizarding Wars, Wizarding World
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 16:22:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8216734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookishhqueenn/pseuds/bookishhqueenn
Summary: I had to get that look off of your face. So I kissed you. And I never looked back. Not for one second, Remus. I was yours from the moment our lips touched in that deserted classroom. I still dream about that kiss, Re. That classroom is, in my opinion, more romantic than the Eiffel Tower. We both know that France is overrated, anyway.





	

2 June, 1996

I was always fascinated by you, Remus.

James and I were friends instantly. You know that. We were friends from the instant that James approached me on our first day at Hogwarts, when I was sitting alone and afraid at the Gryffindor table, and said, “Mate, what are you on about? We’re at Hogwarts! It’s bloody incredible!” After that, we were inseparable. James and Sirius. Sirius and James.

Peter was simple, too. I did not always like him; I thought that Peter was a bit of a prat when we first met. Of course, I was absolutely right. But Peter was nice (I thought), and he was loyal (ha!), and he helped James and I with our schemes and never told the professors. He idolized us, as well, and I did not mind being idolized. It was nice not to be the blunt of the joke, for once.

You were trickier. Of course, I liked you from the start. You were such an anomaly to me, Moony, You were quiet and snarky and friendly and closed off all at once. I did not understand how you could be so many different things at once. I had never met someone I could not classify in a few words; who could not be confined within a box to tick but instead was his entirely own box that could not be labeled and could be ticked by no one else.

Do you remember how afraid you were to change your clothes in front of us? I distinctly remember that you would always do so when we had all left the room, or else within the curtained confines of your four-poster. I think that it was not until after Christmas in first year that I saw you without a shirt. And even then, I know you did not mean for it to happen. You had so many scars, Moony. Clearly your story about dropping a glass on your face was a lie. And really, Moony, come on. We were eleven, and yes, we were stupid, but we were not that stupid. I do not think that I have told you, but I thought for a bit after that that your clumsiness was just a ruse to get us to believe that you were capable of dropping glassware onto your head whilst lying down. Of course, the lie was based only in truth. You are, without a doubt, the clumsiest creature that I have ever met, and I have met a troll.

I can picture your face on the day we confronted you about your little furry problem like it was yesterday. I’m sure you can remember ours. I felt so, so horrible. I was about ready to tell James to stop, that, no, we do not actually know anything personal about you, James is just being stupid. Re, I knew I never wanted you to look like that again.

You did not. Until sixth year, when you told me, with tears in your eyes and your fists clenched in fear, that you liked me. “I have feelings for you,” you said. “And I know that it’s wrong, and you’re my best mate, and you like girls, but I had to tell you, Sirius. I’m so sorry.” I remember your words exactly, Moons.

I had to get that look off of your face. So I kissed you. And I never looked back. Not for one second, Remus. I did not even know that I liked boys. It did not matter. I was yours from the moment our lips touched in that deserted classroom. I still dream about that kiss, Re. That classroom is, in my opinion, more romantic than the Eiffel Tower. We both know that France is overrated, anyway.

Then again, the next kiss was pretty good, too, the next day in the dormitory. I think my favorite, though, was when we stole Prongs’ invisibility cloak for our first anniversary and had an invisible kiss by the lake. That was the best kiss. I can still taste the firewiskey and the chocolate.

I do not think we ever had a bad kiss, Moons. I cannot recall one. There were those sleepy morning kisses and the passionate nighttime ones and the chaste goodbyes and the friendly hellos and the soft reassurances and the slow, sensual ones we had multiple times a day just for the hell of it.

I remember the full moons, and I have to wonder how they’ve worked since Hogwarts. Those were the best nights of my life, Moony. You and me and James and Peter, all playing together as animals – I felt more joy then than I did at any other time. And it was not just that running round as dog at night with you three was incredible – it was the knowledge that you needed me, that I was helping you. I so wanted to be needed, Moons. I wanted to help you because you had helped me so much.

The boy who showed up to Hogwarts in first year was scared, defensive, and rude. He was scared of his own family and of his own sorting – he reveled in the uniqueness he had, but he was so afraid that he was lesser and that he would somehow be punished. The teenager who left Hogwarts was strong and mischievous and he loved, for the first time in his life. Prongs had a hand in it, and Hogwarts itself had a hand in it, but that transformation was your doing, Re. I still young and foolish, but I was never better when I was eighteen.

Those years in Azkaban destroyed me. When I was there, I was mostly thinking about Peter, and about whether you were still alive, and about Harry. I did occasionally, however, think about whether or not you would still want me. Whether or not you would be able to fix me that time. I knew, long before my escape, that I had broken. I was still sane, which was an accomplishment of its own, but I was no longer the person I once was, the person you once loved. I figured that I would never be that person again.

I was not wrong, at least for now. But you were able to heal me, Remus – in a different way, but not in a worse one. I am a different person now, both from the person I was leaving Hogwarts and the person I was in Azkaban. But its not a bad person. I hope not, at the very least.

I am trying so hard, Remus. Harry is a spectacular reason to try, of course, but so are you, Moons. Without you two, I would have long ago given up. A need for vengeance kept me alive inside of Azkaban, but I cannot survive on vengeance forever. You are the reason, Moony. You have made me move on from my vengeance.

I do not have a clue why I wrote this, Moony. You are sleeping upstairs right now. I could give you this letter in person, certainly, or I could tell you that I love you. That I loved you then and that I love you now. I will not. I am so scared, Moons. We have both changed. I just got you back, and I cannot bear to lose you again.

Moony, I love you. Remus, I love you. Maybe I will throw this in the fire, but I may also put it in a box somewhere in this atrocious house. There are loads of disgusting hiding spots. Maybe some day, in twenty years, I can dig it out and show you. Maybe that is my new hope, my new reason. I cannot help but hope that we will have years and years together, in whatever form that takes. I sure hope I get to kiss you again. I want to taste that chocolate and firewiskey again. I want to run my hands over your scars and play with your hair again. If I can only love you as a mate, though, I will. I will take whatever I can get with you, Moony. I just love you that much.

Padfoot

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thanks for reading. This is actually my first HP fic, but since I've been in the fandom for eight years and have been having a lot of feelings about wolfstar lately, I figured it was time:) The title of this fic comes from the song "Witchita Lineman," by Glen Campbell, which seems like just the kind of Muggle song Sirius would listen to when he was missing Remus. Please leave a kudos and a comment if you liked this fic! I respond to all comments.


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